On suffering and dignity

The dentist prepared herself to anesthetize me with that large needle, which she kept out of my sight while I braced myself for the impending discomfort of the drilling. As the lidocaine flowed through my gums, I stared back at that ominous spotlight; if there's a moment in which I feel helplessly vulnerable, it's when I'm lying under that blinding light with an abundance of alien gadgets embedded in my mouth. After a few minutes, drill in hand, the dentist asked that I'd let her know immediately if I felt any pain. Needless to say, at the faintest hint of discomfort, I threw in a hammy moan and got that extra shot.

Later that night, I kept on thinking about that experience and wondered, what is it with me and the fear of pain, or even better, the fear of the slightest sensation of discomfort. And it's not just the physical pain. Let's face it, I'm a 35-year-old, I haven't been in a serious relationship for quite some time now and the only commitments I have, apart from my job, are subscriptions to Netflix and Spotify Premium.  Yes, I could easily say that the older one gets, the pickier he becomes, which is partly true. Yet, the main reason why I'm still single is that it's easy and, most importantly, it's painless.

But this aversion to pain is quite common with my generation and society as a whole. If once we valued the importance of being able to make sacrifices because it's an essential part of the journey, now we are more likely to try to avoid the hard path, and take the easy one instead.  Many will read this as a generalization, and maybe it is, but there's definitely something to be said about how we are starting to lose sight of the value of suffering and sacrifice.

So why's this a problem? Our compelling fear of pain and our incessant need of instant gratification doesn't leave any room for us to confront our own demons: are you nervous about that long-haul flight? Then pop a sleeping pill. Are you feeling anxiety and you don't know why? Alcohol and antidepressants will do the trick. Is your current relationship requiring you give up a lot? Then simply call it off. And the list goes on and on. We spend way too much time protecting ourselves from any form of pain and if we can't prevent it, we simply numb it.

I had this realization while reading Man's search for Meaning; it is a beautifully-written book that delves into Viktor Frankl's harrowing experience in concentration camps during the Second World War. As one would expect from somebody who has witnessed those atrocities first hand, his writing is vivid and raw. In such degrading conditions, many prisoners simply resorted to apathy because they had nothing to live for. But Frankl makes the most profound of cases: one could strip away the most basic needs from a prisoner's life, yet, it was they who had the choice. They could either let themselves be robbed of their inner freedom and dignity or hold on to it. And the only way to do so was by owning the suffering and the pain: 

"When a man finds that it is his destiny to suffer, he will have to accept his suffering as his task; his single and unique task. He will have to acknowledge the fact that even in suffering he is unique and alone in the universe. No one can relieve him of his suffering or suffer in his place. His unique opportunity lies in the way in which he bears his burden."  (P.78)

Every time we choose not to confront our suffering we are simply putting our lives on hold. There's something to be said about the ability to endure it and the dignity it brings. After all, we truly start to love our body once we comprehend the magnitude of hardship it was subjected to in its quest for meaning. 

There again, I'm the same guy who begs for more anesthetic and is scared stiff of commitment, so I understand if you're taking this one with a grain of salt.